Running a marathon seems like a pretty solid bucket list idea, right? I would have to guess that it is one of the most universal bucket list items. This goal ended up on my list for several reasons: (1) I had begun running the year before and it gave me a significant boost in self-confidence; (2) my husband had already completed a marathon and that was pretty cool; and (3) it was 2013 and the Boston Marathon bombings had just happened. 

I was completely affected by the Boston Marathon bombing. I lived in Boston for a number of years after college and consider myself to be a true Boston Girl. Marathon Monday is one of my favorite days to be in the city. My roommate and I lived in Brookline just off Beacon Street where the marathon is run and it was such an amazing day with great, positive energy in the city. The destruction and fear that the bombings created was awful on a day that otherwise would have been full of nothing but positivity.

But it did inspire me. Before the bombings, my bucket list contained running a half marathon. I went back and forth between a half marathon and a full marathon, but in the end, I had chosen a half marathon because I felt it was more realistic for me since I was still a newbie runner. However, the marathon became the goal after April 15, 2013.

There’s another thing that lead me to running: my own personal tragedies. I had always admired runners. What great exercise that can be done anywhere with such little equipment! When you travel, how cool that you can run a city and experience it that way! But I was convinced I couldn’t run.

I grew up with childhood asthma that I outgrew by the time I was a pre-teen and I was always told that I couldn’t run. I shouldn’t run. Running is not good for asthmatics. My parents told me. My doctors told me. This was hard to hear as someone  who loved soccer and climbing trees and pretty much doing anything active. And despite ignoring most of the advice older (and much wiser) people gave me, this stuck with me. I was convinced I couldn’t run. (Somehow I was on the high school track team. I didn’t run though. I through discus and did the long jump and went to the convenience store for ice cream whenever the coach sent us out for long runs. If you are reading this, sorry Coach! It wasn’t my idea!) It didn’t help that when I tried to run, I felt like I was going to die. This was just proof that the older people were actually wiser and were correct all along: I couldn’t run.

Fast forward twenty years from high school track and here I was in my later thirties trying to have a second child with no success. We learned that our first child was pretty much a miracle because due to a genetic disorder, I had an eighty percent chance of miscarrying. There are 16 ways the genes of my husband and I can combine and only two of them would lead to a successful pregnancy. After a horrible miscarriage that left me depressed for months, I sought help from my doctor, learned of the genetic condition, and was told that IVF with PGD was our best chance. I spent four months reading about IVF, eating healthy and clean, and preparing my body so it would be in the best shape it has ever been. IVF started, I made follicles like a rock star, and they sent 13 embryos to the lab to get the PGD testing. Then the news came back that all 13 embryos had problems. None of them would have lead to a successful birth.

In addition to asthma and this genetic disorder that causes infertility problems, I also developed Crohn’s Disease – an autoimmune disorder – in my twenties. My body literally attacks itself.

In short, my body is defective and I spent years oscillating between being upset about this and accepting this. But when the IVF failed and it was one more thing my body couldn’t get right, I decided I had enough. I was going to do achieve something that people have said my body couldn’t do. I was going to run.

The day after we got the news about the embryos, I went out and bought a pair of running shoes.

Running is hard. My first run took place in my backyard. We have an amazing running trail near our house, but I was too embarrassed to run there. I ran for a minute in circles in our backyard. It was nothing special, but the next day I felt more confident to go on the trail. I didn’t make it far and I felt like I was going to die.

When I returned home, I told Husband how I didn’t understand it because I was so active and did so many other activities. Why can’t I run? “It’s just different,” he said. “Run a little today. Tomorrow, run again but go further.” So simple.

So here’s where I am supposed to tell you that the next day I ran further and that I kept building up a base until I was able to run 1 mile, then 2, and so on. Nope. That didn’t happen. Each time I went out to run, I ran precisely a minute, and literally would feel like I was going to drop dead.

But rather than giving up, I started to examine what was happening and read as much about running as I could, and I came to this conclusion: the problem that I had while running…the reason I always had to stop after a minute…is because…I wasn’t breathing! Can you believe that? I was apparently holding my breath and then a minute later, I would run out of oxygen and feel like I was going to die.

This sounds ridiculous, but think about it. No one teaches you how to run.

After I figured out how to breathe while running, I went out and ran 2.5 miles that day. I was so excited! I can run!! And I can run almost as far as a 5K!

Accomplishing running really helped me mentally that summer. I’m not sure I ever got the runner’s high, but just being able to successfully do something that I hadn’t been able to do was so gratifying. It was transformative. I felt stronger and more confident. By the end of the summer, I was able to run up to 10 miles.

The next summer, my little family unit spent a week on Cape Cod and stayed in Falmouth. As we drove around, we saw the mile markers for the Cape Cod marathon and my husband said “that could be fun” and just like that, we had found our marathon. At the beginning of 2015, I signed Husband and I up to run the Cape Cod Marathon on October 25. (I also reserved us a room at the hotel closest to the race and booked a room with a giant Jacuzzi. Is it wrong that I’m way more excited about the Jacuzzi than the marathon itself?)

So the date and location are set. Stay tuned for details about training!